if you let me sit on your lap and think i won’t do everything i can to give you a boner you’re dead wrong
I can’t remember if my vibrator is in my closet or under my bed. if it’s in my closet I’m not going over there because I found and killed a giant ass spider over there earlier, and I’m not about to find it’s friends waiting to kill me.
It was under my bed. No death by spider for me tonight
I was watching an episode of Rick and Morty with my friend yesterday and it was an episode with these creatures who only exist to help you with a certain task and then then poof out of existence. However, the longer it takes them to help you complete a task, the more decrepit they get and have a hard time moving around.
My friend was watching it and was just like, “How terrible would it be if that happened in real life though.”
And I looked at him, and was just like, “Bro, that’s actually what happens when you get older.”